Hello world!
I hate you, world.
Just kidding. Although there's many things out there that I strongly dislike with a passion.
I'll start with saying that I finished revising "Suitcase", so now the 2nd verse isn't so much of a mouthful. I'm very pleased with the song, but no way no how would I find any way to share it since I'm so shy. *whimper* I don't know what I'll do, cuz I don't want to forget how it goes when I'm older and have no way to find the melody again. Recording myself on my phone would be stupid, though...
I wrote down stuff throughout this week and last week to write, so, taking off the talk and song from last week, I still have... *counts* 15 topics.
...*deep breath*
My sister just got a ukulele, and is starting to learn/relearn how to play it. Her main goal is to learn how to play the "Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World" ukulele song (one of the only songs missionaries are allowed to listen to *the more you know*). I wonder how many other songs she'll learn.
The last Young Women activity was at the president's house, where we did pumpkin carving. I managed to carve a really cool one, where it looked like a cat on a tree branch. Of course, I forgot to take a picture of it before it went bad and gross. *sigh* It's in my memories...
While there, one of the counselors talked with me about Personal Progress. (It's stuff Young Women in the LDS faith do to develop good characteristics of righteous women. If you complete the full books, you get a special necklace. It's really pretty.) I have very little that is fully done. My main problem with Personal Progress is that I don't really have much motivation to finish it, and as to the experiences, I don't like writing in my journal for them, so many were incomplete. (I know, I know, that sounds weird. I love writing; in fact, I'm writing in my diary blog right now. But that stuff, it's harder for me to know what to write, and make it meaningful.) But she said some stuff that was just a big wake-up call for me. She gave me motivation, so now I'm gonna try harder to get my Personal Progress done. In fact, I took time a few days after that after I did Seminary and completed... 4? Last night, I started working on my Faith project. Just did some brainstorming for a poem or story or something. I kinda poured out all of my thoughts at the moment too, so... it would probs make anyone else look at it and they'd be like "WOAH THERE." It even makes me feel a little "Woah there, friend; I think you need to slow down." I guess I really needed to let it out.
Have you heard that song "All About That Bass"?
Last Thursday(?) (not 3 days ago, but the Thursday before that), I wore high pigtails (like you might've had when you were a third of my current age...). It was that day (or maybe the day before?) when I started wearing all of my Halloween stuff. I don't have as much anymore, though, so I was just mainly finding different ways to use my Halloween hair ties and use orange and black. No one was really weirded out by my high ponytails with little witch hat hair ties in them, luckily, and just commented that I looked cute. I am not totally sure why, but... wearing my hair up like that makes me feel more energetic. I guess I feel more like a little kid? I don't know.
There was an assembly done by a traveling group of public speakers about making good choices. Sure, they did some stupid stuff when they started, but what I liked was that they later got very serious and very real and very blunt. They were mainly talking about not drinking and not doing drugs, but it was also about making good/bad choices and how they will affect your future. I know I will never drink or do drugs (do I really seem like the kind of person who would?) but it really saddened me when they told all the students that knew someone who drank or did drugs, then if they knew someone who died by alcohol poisoning, then someone who died from drugs, and then someone who died in a drunk driving accident. I was nearly to tears because the last speaker was very yelly and loud, but I also appreciated it, since I'm guessing there's some kids that won't listen otherwise. I hope people remember something, anything from the assembly and rethink what they're doing.
Oh, so I took the PLAN test. Exactly one week after the PSAT. *facepalm* It wasn't too bad, although I freaked a little on the science portion. The thing about the science part in tests like this is that it's mainly analyzing data. If you really want to be sure about the answers, you have to really drink in the information in charts and graphs and stuff, and drinking in all the information for all the problems and answers felt like it couldn't really be done in 25 minutes. I wish I could've gone back and really looked at what all those experiments and stuff were, because I didn't really get the chance to do that when I was just hurrying through the questions.
I realized that I referred to my friend as Cat Lady the first time, then forgot that and referred to the same friend as Blondie. So, know that that was the same girl, and from now on I'll continue calling her Blondie. Speaking of, I finally saw her perform in Colorguard in the last pep rally of the season. They can do some pretty impressive spins and stuff with the flags and other props.
Elenita's oldest sister (I don't think I've given a name for anyone else in this family) went on her mission last week. It's gonna be English-speaking, but she'll still learn some French at the MTC, since she's going to CANADA! *cheer* Pretty cool, eh?
A few of my friends told us about this hilarious Youtube video called "The Comeback Kid." I watched it with my sister, and she was nearly laughing to tears. I realized that it was the same guy that Broranges showed me a few videos from years ago. One of them was "Ghost in the Stalls", I think, and the other... not sure what it was called, but it had to do with hacking a neighbor's printer. This guy is just so freaking hilarious. I should watch more of his videos, seriously. I haven't really been watching much stuff lately, though... I haven't watched any anime for a few weeks. Disappointing.
Okay, I realized that, once again, I mixed up Anne Frank and Helen Keller in a conversation. Why do I do this? Do they look too similar in the pictures?
We went to a ward (someone else's ward though, HA) Trunk-or-Treat last Wednesday, so we did our costumes then. As planned before, I went as the girl from the Grudge, and my sister decided to be the Annabelle doll. We both looked pretty cool. In fact, I'll put a picture! (I didn't plan on ever showing my actual face on here, but I showed the pic to multiple people, and they usually said it didn't look like me, so I'll just hope no one will come kill me through this.)
But, so, on Friday, actual Halloween, I was too lazy to dress up again. And I felt like it was a good idea to go to the school play, since I knew some people in it. Of course, there was a very small audience because the school was a big butthole to decide to put on the play on HALLOWEEN. As if that made sense. My friends didn't do that bad, but they need to work more on the funny aspect of acting, according to my dad. He's right, but I know how nerve-racking getting on a stage and acting can be, without considering anything like having an accent or exaggerating or something.
Oh dear... I'm to the last topics of my list... I put them off till the end... Because I didn't want to have to talk about them...
They're all concerning my friend Darkrai.
I knew that his life was probably difficult, since he's talked about how he doesn't have friends in his school and how his parents banned him from social media (though he still managed to sneak into Wattpad, which he mainly uses to talk to his online friends and RP, not reading). I'd also seen stuff in his profile description on FFN where he talks about his inner demons and wrote a sad story (which he posted recently to Wattpad. Turns out it's 100% true). He likes scary, creepy, and sad. He has talked about voices in his head. But I still thought he was just fine.
I was wrong.
He tried to kill himself. He attempted to OD his pills. HE IS SUICIDAL.
Once he got back online, I messaged with him for a few hours. I suddenly felt the huge responsibility of not just being the friend I had been before, but one that tries to deal with someone I just discovered has depression, on my shoulders. I tried to act normal, just more supportive, but this responsibility invaded my mind. I went to my friends in PE for help, and they did, but it was hard to calm down. I thought about it most of the day, and worried about what I should say and how to say it, and if I was doing too little or too much, and... Wow. Just thinking about my state of mind makes me feel tense and tired all over again.
Online, he talked about having no motivation to eat (which I had experienced myself earlier this year, mainly during the summer, and it was horrible; however, there's not much I can say to help him with that. When it happened, I had to force myself to eat something, and my mom forced me too. Force was the only way to get through, and he didn't like the sound of that), and discussed not really knowing who he was with someone else. I did what I felt I should do at that moment, which included messaging him when I could and, on Thursday, sending him a video through text, in which I actually talked to him, with my actual voice and my actual face, and I sang the first part of "Glorious" to him. I was still in this freaking-out state of mind all the way through to Friday, Halloween.
I go on to Wattpad during Career Prep, as I did throughout the week, only to see that, again, his friend Ace said something happened to Darkrai. He fell out of a tree (apparently, because of D's brother?) and got a concussion. He was fine besides having amnesia.
How weird is it to talk to your friend when they don't know who you are, what waffles are, what Halloween is, what almost anything is? Apparently, he didn't even remember his own name. It was such a mind-boggling conversation.
Not remembering his past totally changed his personality. His friend Ace said that Darkrai was the happiest he had ever seen. He reminded me a little of author12306's character Siggy, who also didn't remember anything and was adorable. D was suddenly a little sweetie who got scared by his own profile picture.
Which caused me to say something I really shouldn't have.
I'm sorry! Sometimes I am blunt in a bad way, and I'm more willing to share my thoughts on the internet, and I get amused by things that aren't supposed to be funny!
I was just becoming friends with Darkrai all over again, and I may have suddenly made a bad impression on him and his friends.
I'm freaking out again, like I did last night! I'm sorry, but I kinda sorta maybe want to cry and punch myself and die in a hole because that's where I belong because I act like life and death are just jokes!
THEY ARE NOT JOKES, AND I KNOW THAT. So why did I laugh like these things were not serious? I don't know. I just...
Help me be a better person! I want to help Darkrai, whether he gains all his memory back or not, and I want to be a good example, and I want to say all the right things!
Take the picture as a signal that this was added later. During FHE, my mom asked me what was bugging me. I confessed some of the stuff about Darkrai (not the suicide attempt since I don't know if that'll still be a problem), and they reassured me that I don't need to try so hard and just be there, which is exactly what I needed to hear. I'm going to take a wild guess and say that the Holy Ghost helped them know what I needed to hear without me saying it. I mean, my other friends told me before to do the same, but I still felt an obligation to help more, therefore just stressing myself out and possibly annoying him. Therefore, I have decided that I really was doing too much. *nod to self*
Also, I want to keep this picture because Darkrai loves it. Or at least loved it before he forgot.
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