NOT FUN + Surprises!

Hello world!

I skipped a week because, frankly, I was feeling very poopy. School starting brought about a lot of stress.

I believe I said before that there was a Teaching class offered at my school? I took it, and turned out it wasn't what I was hoping for. It was being taught by tag-team teachers (hehehe); one of them I didn't know yet, and the other I had at the end of last year for Cooking, in which we did nothing that I liked. At all.

I stayed for the week because I thought "Eh, it will probably be different from Cooking. I mean, it was the end of the year then, so of course we don't do much. Plus, this is an entirely different class! Maybe I'll have fun and learn a lot!"

We did stupid stuff for about a week until it crashed and burned.

We weren't even two weeks in the school year and she already assigned a big project. Not was it only big (and I mean big), but it was kinda stupid and she only gave us a week to do it.

It does not help that I was assigned a PowerPoint project in English just 10 minutes beforehand.

Let's not forget that I suddenly got all sneezy and groggy on the same day. Thanks, family, for spreading germs! *killkillkillkill*

Then came the next day, in which we performed a Tahitian dance at the ward talent show. Both my sister and I felt exhausted afterwards.

Thus, on Sunday, I felt tired, super stressed, and overall poopy. So bad that I spilled my guts out all over my e-mail to Niisan and started crying.

On Monday, I was just fine during school, maybe just a little worried, but after school, when I started doing my homework, I totally freaked, since I sincerely felt like I wasn't going to get either project done in time, and they were worth lots of points.

It might seem kinda lame to some people that I'm freaking out with just two school projects and a small cold. In fact, it made me feel even worse because I looked at the whole situation like I was pathetic. Here's the thing: I am not used to stress. I believe I have mentioned my mom once telling me that I usually just ignore the stress, so therefore it doesn't affect me as much. But when it comes to school projects, I get super worried about not finishing in time and not doing it right and ruining my grade and everyone else's grade (if it's a group project). That worry that only happens with one was doubled. No, TRIPLED, because the other one just seemed impossible. (She DID NOT EXPLAIN and she is NOT A GOOD TEACHER and she does not realize that WE DON'T HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO DO ALL OF THESE STUPID THINGS FOR HER.) Not feeling good physically probably made my mental condition deteriorate a little too. So what does such a stressful situation lead to?

Crying myself to sleep that night.

I am not joking.

That is when my mom said that it had to stop. So she went to the school to get my schedule changed. (After all, Teaching was just an elective.) She told me that she told the counselor exactly why I needed the change and what kind of class it should be replaced with. I received the new schedule with Career Prep instead of Teaching the same day.

While I'm sad that I no longer have a class with some new friends (the only good thing about the Teaching class), I know this was the best choice- get out while I still can. I'm pretty sure that if I had stayed in the class, I would've eventually become clinically depressed or something. I can't handle being under a teacher like that. (The stupidest part of all of this is that she was teaching a Teaching class when she TOTALLY SUCKED at it. She used to have a different job. I seriously wish she still had that one.)

Welp, I had once thought that I didn't have trials. I just went through one that seriously affected me. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? (Well, that only applies to some things. For example, breaking bones is not one of them.) Plus, now I can be more empathetic with characters from books. While I may not have suddenly been informed that I am supposed to save the world, I certainly know how it feels to think that I am not capable of doing everything I'm told to do. And crying to sleep.

Now, onto better news~

Just a few days after the new school year started, I started talking with a guy in my PE class. (Last year, I got to talk to him a bit during Study Hall.) He is a very stereotypical gay. And he is awesome and hilarious. I don't know what to call him online, but if we gain a stronger friendship, I'll come up with something.

Anyway, I don't remember how it got brought up, but I mentioned missionaries, which led to him asking what religion I am. I said I'm Mormon. He blinked before saying "That is so cool!"

With confusion evident in my face and voice, he explained that all other Mormons he had ever seen/met were extremely judgmental against him, but look, here I am! I already considered myself friends with him, so obviously I'm not anti-homosexuals. (I understand that they can be great as people, despite having that distinction.) Unlike some of the population, I'm not going to shun or avoid anyone.

With that out of the way, I tried my best to discuss a few things with him, as we were kinda figuring out the differences between Mormons and Baptists (since that is the church he goes to). It was really hard for me since I've never really done the whole missionary thing. Ever. I probably should've done better, but still tried, and that's what counts. He sounded interested, mainly because he told me of some of the stuff his parents and people from church did because he liked other guys, and there was some pretty horrible things done. If he were to join another church, it would be more of escaping the situation he's in now than believing in our gospel more. Still, that would be a great thing, and if he ever decided to talk with actual missionaries and go to church and stuff, I sure hope he will be welcomed and he can be happier.

Until then, I'm still gonna be his friend, and I'll see if sometime he decides to ask me about the church again.

I searched through most of my old posts, and it seems I never mentioned this weird dream I had months ago! It reminded me a little of the Jeff the Killer dream I had a while before that, since I was being killed and all... I don't really want to go into details now, but the point is this: Due to me being kinda depressed last week, plus having to read 13 Reasons Why for school last weekend, PLUS suddenly wanting to listen to "Mad World" by Adam Lambert (it's a cover, but I wouldn't listen to the song any other way", I suddenly decided that I would write a story based off of that. (HA! Following in Brorange's footsteps! ...You'd have to look pretty far back to find what the heck I'm referencing.) I had no interest whatsoever in making something out of that dream until this. Why?

1. In 13 Reasons Why, Hannah, one of the main characters, tells her whole story. In my dream, I told a story by video.

2. In the song, there is a part that says "I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had." I don't know if it's weird or not, but I actually kinda enjoyed the dream. Not because I like knowing I die in it, but maybe the WAY I died?... If it was a family member dying, I would not enjoy it at all. I consider THOSE nightmares.

That just kinda inspired me into possibly creating something. Since it's suspense and stuff, I'm wondering how well I'll do it.

Thinking about this new story also made me realize something- even before I wrote fanfics, I wrote fanfics.

Confused you?

That's cuz I realized that all of my stories before finding FFN were based off of stories that ALREADY EXISTED. I once wrote a few pages about a Rodeo Cinderella. (I don't even get why I wanted to since rodeos are obviously not something I'm acquainted with.) I once wrote something for Frog and Toad. When I had to write something for Christmas in 6th grade, I did it from the perspective of one of Santa's elves. If sometime other than those I wrote a story about a girl, she was probably based off of me or my sister. Mausu Mumei is basically the only real original character I have, and even then, I had been thinking about Beast Boy from Teen Titans. (She isn't like him in personality, but in power.) Do you realize that this is a revelation for me?!

While realizing I've basically always been a fanfiction writer makes me accept it as a part of me more, it also makes me more determined to write something original. Totally original plot, totally original characters, the whole deal. I feel the plot is original enough, since I can't think of anything it could have been inspired by when I first dreamed about it, but I need to fix the characters. At the moment, they are based off of me and my family. I can't stop myself from putting similarities between the characters and my family, but I will work on making them still two different families. May take a lot of effort. (The person that was originally me is named Kara Leemin. (Originally Leemon, but someone named Kara Leemon already exists.) I hope I can somehow make her not be TOO much like me. *sweat drop*)

My 15th Birthday!

Hello world!

Before I forget- ROBIN WILLIAMS DIED TODAY. Apparently, it's a suicide. *tear* Y U DO DIS?

Last Wednesday was my birfday! I got some of the best presents ever!

I got a maneki neko, which I have wanted for years. That mini little kitty is just waving hi to me on my drawer! It's so cute!

I also got Hello Kitty earrings from my mom, which I wore all day. Luckily, they didn't bother my ears until I took them out.

There is this special pink birthday shirt (I mean in that it says "BIRTHDAY GIRL") that I remember wearing for most birthdays, so of course I wanted to wear it again. (I love having my own little traditions.) It is too short now, though. *nervous laugh* (I'm just growing still. I'm almost half a foot taller than my sister already!) Luckily, recently, we went on some shopping trips and we got some pairs of high-waisted jeans; even better, I now have 3 pairs of suspenders! I just tucked the shirt into a pair of those high jeans and added white suspenders, and BOOM! I'm adorable. *bats eyelashes*

We went out for lunch at IHOPS, and then my mom and sister dragged me to Kohl's to get me new Converse (my old Converse ripoffs were breaking a little) and I got some cool gray/teal high Converse with zippers on the sides. I'm wearing them right now, actually. They're cool because they are much quicker to put on and take off since you don't need to tie them every time, just zip the sides.

While there, my sister got me a little journal for ideas and whatever I think of putting in there. Every time I look at it, it reminds me of how grateful I am to have such a thoughtful sister, and even more grateful that I finally told her about my writing and concerns and other things. We had a night a month ago where we just sat down and talked about anything and everything. Tears were shed, burdens were lifted, and we just became that much closer.

When we came back, my parents asked me if there was anything else I have ever wanted, and with some insisting I admitted I wanted the FMA box set for a while now. I had already mentioned it to my mom a few times that I planned to buy it for myself when I got a job and earned my own money for it. But they just immediately said they'd get it for me.

...

Wait...

What?!

I guess they could tell how much I wanted it, but I felt like I didn't deserve them to buy even more for me, especially something so expensive. (The full book series was $160!) We consider Converse super expensive, so I thought it was already asking a lot to get the real deal, and then THIS?

I won't be able to explain well my mom's reasons, but I thought it funny when my dad said "At least you're not asking for a car."

The package arrived yesterday, and it is beautiful. It was really hard to keep in my fangirling. I still did a little, but hopefully not enough for them to worry. I mean, I don't think anyone truly understands how much I love Fullmetal Alchemist. I don't plan for them to know unless they suddenly, magically, start loving it too.

I finished my original diary/journal on my birthday. Turns out I started it in 2007. I wonder how confused my future self will be by the stuff at the very end. Hopefully, none. *sweat drop*

I doubt anything of great importance will happen this week, so I'll talk about what else happened next Sunday. Bye~

Got a Few Simple Sketches Done

Hello world!

Ooh look, pretty pictures!

Last week, my sister needed to go talk with a certain doctor about taking an allergy test and knowing if she should get a nose surgery done (it's been broken a few times throughout her life, so something's wrong inside, I guess), and I just stayed in the lobby. I had brought my iPod, phone, and Alive (I was still working on it), but just wanted to do something else. I decided I wanted to draw. I looked around and found myself near some brochures for a company, and I saw where my mom had gotten a pen by the receptionist before. I just got both as quietly as possible (I don't think that was necessary, but I did so anyway) and starting doodling. The first thing was a column of eyes, as seen above, to do a practice sketch before getting any heads done. (That last part sounds weird. Hehehe.)

The second column is Al, me, then Ed. I've been wanting to try to draw myself in more of Hiromu Arakawa's style, but something's off about the eyes. I'll need to tweak until I think it actually looks like me drawn by her. *slump* I'm getting better at drawing Ed, but it just never looks right.

The last column is\a quick doodle of Roy Mustang's hair (with a tiny face inside because I seem to have a problem with blank faces. *sweat drop* That causes my pages to not look all that professional anymore. ...As if they looked professional in the first place), then Ling Yao, then second Greed. I had to look at pics on my phone to draw that, since I have not drawn any of the ones in the third column before. I'm mainly disappointed in Greed, especially by his ponytail. *frown* The only character allowed to have hair even similar to that is Granny Pinako. Greed is not Pinako.

The one I'm happiest with is Alphonse, of course. Even then, his hair is too... Danny Phantom? At least it's getting easier to draw hair for me. *sweat drop* Next time I draw him, I need to remember that his bangs are much smaller than that!

A little after that, I felt like drawing some more, but now that I was at home, so I could use the sketchbook. Something happened to the pencil and erasers I had in my room, so I was forced to use pen. *tear* I know I can draw in pen, but I just prefer pencil. (I've noticed I draw differently depending on utensil... with pencil I go much neater, with pen more sketchy-sketchy.)

I've been wanting to draw fanart (or just art, since it's my own story?) for my fanfic Family History, which now has 8.75 chapters, since I'm still working on the 9th. I think I might need to insert another chapter before it, though. ...Anyways, I decided to use this opportunity, now that I have the sketchbook in my hands, to do a rough draft. I haven't decided between using dots or anime eyes for the final draft yet, so just dots are in this one.

Standing is Al and Lily (*coughmecough*), and sitting is Ed. Ed was supposed to be standing, but I accidentally didn't leave enough room for him to be in the middle. This is the first time I've drawn these male characters, so I'm generally pleased. ...Although I decided the haircut Al was SUPPOSED to have was too hard, so I changed it to how I draw most guy hair now.

Obvious things that need to be corrected: on Al, the hair is too long (not as bad as Alphonse from the other pic though), the backpack strap is too long (can you tell what it's supposed to be? Maybe I should take that off), and his hand is too big. On Ed, his arm is too short, and the hair/headphones could definitely look more... normal. As for Lily, I'm pleased that I was able to change the side of the part easily. I usually draw my part as being on the right, but since I knew that Al would have a left side part, I found it necessary for me to show where MY part actually is. I guess the last problem is the sleeves on all of their shirts, but I am not too worried about that.

I guess, now that I have already done a rough sketch, I feel more confident on being able to make a nice cover photo for this fanfic, whenever I finish it and start posting it online.

I forgot to mention it before. I started rewatching Fullmetal Alchemist, the 2003 anime. Not only because I wanted to, but I thought it would be a good idea to refresh on what happened in it so I write Family History correctly. Is it strange that it is actually better the second time around?

I'm suddenly realizing just how different the two animes are. During the whole first half, there are a lot of the same events, but they all happen at a different part of the timeline. Such as, the Tucker incident (DIE, TUCKER, DIE *stab*), in the manga, happens when Ed was 15. In the first anime, it happens just one or two days after he becomes a State Alchemist. Yeeeeeeeeee. *looks away uncomfortably*

I also noticed that some of the characters act a bit differently. Two obvious examples for me are that Alphonse was more forced into the whole Human Transmutation thing than in FMAB, and 2nd Lnt. Maria Ross was more ...irritable.

I haven't gotten to the part of the show where everything really deviates, but what I'm seeing already is giving me new-found respect for Edward Elric. He had to see a lot of the horrible canon stuff before he was even a teenager! *R-E-S-P-E-C-T*

In case anyone was wondering... The premiere of Gravity Falls Season 2 was amazing. Already, everything changes! *Titan Eren yell of joy* (Haven't done one of those in a while. Nor have I had so many parentheses in one post for a while.)

Last thing before I go. Guess who's birthday it is in 3 days? *wiggles eyebrows* Thaaaaaaat's right! MINE! I'm gonna be turning 15!

...

15?!

I'm not ready for this! NO! Y MUST I GROW ↑ I DON'T WANT 2

However, since it will inevitably come, I'm going to use that day to write in the final pages of my journal. I will complete the diary that I had started in 2005(?) once and for all, down to the very last line. I was going to do that last year, but I ended up going to Girls Camp during my birthday. I wonder what I'm gonna say...