Hello wooooorld!
Ugh. *Angry Kid impersonation* I feel sicky.
I'll admit that I'm pretty sure I got colds less often in the other states we've lived in... And it was a lot easier to clean my glasses in those states, too. My glasses have looked gross lately.
Honestly... not much happened this week. (It's a good thing, though, since that means I can devote quite a bit of time to what I wanted to talk about last week!) Besides being kinda sick (I threw up on Tuesday! *yay!*), there's really only that I've started a new English paper (of the informative sort) and Spirit Week. Well, I guess there's also that I feel like I've been accumulating mild injuries, lately...?
Spirit Week wasn't as awesome as I was hoping for. I just don't understand why most people don't even bother! I understand when you literally don't have anything to wear for one of the days, but why not try for all the others? You lame-o's. (...Should the apostrophe be there? It looks weird either way.)
What I'd been trying to do was take what we were supposed to wear for every day of Spirit Week and make a costume out of it. I mean, it's almost Halloween, and it's looking like I'll only get to wear one proper costume on the actual day! I wanna make the most out of October, since the month has been a little sucky!
Unfortunately, a few of the days I couldn't figure something out for. I thought it wouldn't be that hard. *tear*
But, I did still get three full costumes! I dressed up as Alice in Wonderland, Batman, and a panda. (The last one had a lot of thick clothes, so sometimes I had to take off my hat or my vest or even both... and without those things there, I just looked weird.) And I felt pretty cool, even though most people didn't know what I was doing.
I'm writing my English paper about microaggressions, since that was one of the teacher's chosen topics (well, it wasn't specifically just microaggressions, but it was just generally terms like microaggressions that have apparently been showing up a lot in colleges and the internet). This issue makes me a bit... angry.
Besides the fact that people are taking the original term and using it to gain attention, they are also doing it to be racist towards white people. (I hadn't intended to make that italic and bold, but I'm leaving it because this is important.) I mean, yes, a white person may accidentally say something offensive to a Hispanic or black or whatever person, but that doesn't mean any other race isn't as capable of being accidentally offensive. Anyone can be, and most likely is, at least a teensy bit racist, including to their own race. They're almost most likely going to be racist against their own people, in fact, and that tends to hurt the most. But who's being accused of saying the wrong things? Only white people. It is literally in all the definitions given in the articles, scholarly journals, research papers, etc. that I've read. The term "microaggression" only applies to things white people say to non-white people (or, as they sometimes say to sound a little less blunt, what "people belonging to the majority" say to "people of minorities"). That seems a little unfair, especially considering the newer generations are generally more equality-oriented than the older ones anyways, but they're the ones that have to deal with this. Real microaggressions should be fixed, but most of what's going on nowadays regarding microaggressions is because of butthurt people who want to make white, straight men pay for their "wrongdoings" when they literally did nothing wrong. In fact, I don't think these people are even butthurt; they're just taking this chance to make people feel guilty for being part of the majority.
And you know why I can say that white people are being a little mistreated? Because I'm Hispanic/Latina. I'm not even fully Hispanic/Latina- just half- but I don't look like I'm also half-white, so I can say things about white people without people screaming about racism and injustice in my face. I guess that's just one of the advantages of being in a minority.
Also, there's some people that think certain things offend Mexicans, like calling us "Hispanic" and wearing Day of the Dead makeup? As my sister said today, "I think I'd know if I should be offended." If you don't look like you're trying to offend us, we're most likely not going to be offended.
Oh, and saying "you guys" when referring to a group does not make women feel left out! What the heck?!
Okay, so finally, what happened at the ACTs last week.
So my mom and I got up early and drove over to where I was taking the test. It was at the high school where I would've gone if we stayed in Murray (the house I lived in during 3rd and 4th grade). I'd never been inside, so it was kinda weird.
My mom stuck around for a few minutes just to ask about what they do with phones and stuff during the test, then left me to my own devices. I stood off by myself, observing the surprisingly talkative teenagers around me. I realized quickly that most of these people already knew each other and already had their separate groups of friends, so I came to the reasonable conclusion that most of them went to this high school. But then-
Wait.
Wait.
If most of the people here went to this school, and I was pretty sure my friends from 3rd grade went to this high school, too... Did that mean I might see my old friends today?
I'd thought the likelihood was more like... medium, since people had to pay to take this date for the ACT, unlike waiting till the end of the year for the free ACT, but I also was pretty sure my friends all cared about having good grades and such. So, yeah. I was a little unsure about if they'd actually show up or not.
Absolute craziness time? Yes, because I saw all three friends that I'd actually hung out with after 3rd grade! I don't know if I've actually given them codenames, but Future Me can't possibly not know who I'm referring to if I say "my friends from 3rd grade". (My bestest friend from that year, though, doesn't quite count, unfortunately, since I hadn't hung out with her any time later, unlike my other friends.) First I saw... okay, what am I gonna call each one? Hrm... I guess I'll go with Anne, which is pretty close to her real name. When I saw Anne walk through the door, I grinned and excitedly ran over to her and said, "Hi!" She looked somewhere between pleasantly surprised and downright confused, especially when she asked "Why are you in Utah?!" but she hugged me all the same, and we talked for a bit.
A little after that, when we were already in the line to be checked off the roll, I saw another friend. I'm having a hard time thinking of an easy codename that won't sound like I only define her by her race (which I don't), so I'll call her Yoshi since I remember thinking that her little brother's name sounded a little like the name of that green dinosaur thing. (Now I can't even remember what his actual name is, but thinking of his name being like Yoshi's had actually helped me for a while when I was younger. Heh.) I rushed over to say hi (after I stared a bit longer to decide that, yes, it really was her), and she just seemed... a little weirded out. Like, she even said "This is weird." She wasn't rude or anything, but didn't seem as excited about seeing me as I was about seeing her. It was pretty awkward.
At least I felt a bit better when I went back into my spot in the line and informed Anne about what just happened. She was like, "Yeah... Yoshi's just awkward. That's how she is."
I added, "Well, that's probably why we became friends in the first place. I mean, come on, all of us are a little awkward." She laughed at that one, and didn't even bother denying its truth.
Once we were admitted and could check the posted lists of who was going to test in which room, I saw yet another name- that of the friend I will call Ballad, since that sounds close to "ballet" and is still music-related (she comes from a very musical family) and it's apparently an actual name. I grinned again at the prospect that I was most likely going to see my third friend from this town, and she actually did show up a few minutes later! She seemed to be the most excited to see me, which made me happy. I hadn't seen her for the longest time out of all of them (besides the bestest friend mentioned earlier), but things still felt pretty natural and normal between us. It was kinda funny, because she was pretty tired from waking up early, and she said a few mildly-loopy things because of it. We actually sat right next to each other in the testing room (the teacher put us like that), so it was nice to know one of my old friends were there with me.
A smaller, but still pleasant, surprise was when Anne pointed out a few people we'd gone to school with. Since I'd only been in the same school as her for one year in elementary school and we're now looking at high school kids, there weren't all that many. She found two kids within the vicinity at that moment, and I actually recognized both- a kid named Jacob and a girl who I remembered went by Claire. (It was weird when Anne referred to her by her full name and I was like "Wait, Claire isn't her real name?!") As much as I say I don't remember much from when I was little, some things stuck quite well. A little later, when I was talking to Ballad, she actually went to say hi to Claire and then asked her if she recognized me. (Not before motioning to me without looking and thus hitting me in the face. It was hilarious.) She did! That is always something I wonder about people I used to go to school with... Do you remember me as much as I remember you? I know I'm usually one of the quieter kids in class, so it's nice to know that I wasn't invisible or forgotten, even if all they remember is my face.
After we finished the test, Yoshi came over and chatted for a minute, asking what school I went to and stuff (which Anne and Ballad had asked too) and said it was nice to see me. I don't know if it really was as awkward as it felt, or it just felt like that because of earlier, but... yeah. I dunno, it just felt really weird, which is disappointing.
Anne was already gone, since she'd done the no-writing test, but I still got to chat a bit more with Ballad and just enjoy being with her for a bit longer. Since we left at the same time, she actually was okay with stopping over to my mom's car to say hi to her. I don't remember if Ballad and my mom had talked much in the past, but it was enough for them to be happy to see each other.
Once we started leaving, my mom was saying how different she looked from when she was little, and that she'd been unsure at first of whether it actually was her or not. I can definitely attribute recognizing Ballad so easily to seeing pictures of her on Facebook.
I'm nervous of this ACT, since I feel like my pacing was worse than the first time, at least on the math portion. That was the score I'd been most disappointed with, so the fact it's most likely lower this time around is just... urgh. Then there's the fact that I did the writing test, and I have no idea if I'll get a decent score on it or not.
Okay, that's just about everything. Since I have a bit of extra time, I guess I'll add that, the day before the ACT, I'd been studying in the campus's cafeteria, and a man from Afghanistan came over excitedly and asked where I'm from. He thought I was Middle-Eastern. *sweatdrop* Specifically, he said I looked Persian, and I Googled pictures of Persian people once I got home. Yeah... me and my sis could see why he thought that. Not so much the face shape, but other aspects like my eyes, eyebrows, and skin color. We still talked for a little bit of time, even after I told him that I'm part Mexican, and don't really identify myself as Middle-Eastern. I know I have Middle-Eastern blood in me, but that's not really the same thing as what he was asking.
Happy Halloween (tomorrow)!!! We'll see how November goes... K bai!
Sunday, October 30, 2016
Monday, October 24, 2016
200th Post! Featuring: School/College, Halloween Outfits, & Unofficial Will
Hello world!
This is the 200th post!!! *confetti, fireworks, awesome party music!*
And... I don't have any particularly astounding news besides that.
Well, besides that I didn't put this up for over 2 weeks! Geez, I was really hoping I'd at the very least post this on time. But, well, last Sunday was the second half of the college prep workshop- oh, and guess what? It was Brorange's b-day that week, so we went to his house for dinner! And he actually came to the workshop so we could hang out a little longer. I wish it was a little funner that day for him, but at least we could hang still. We also went to his house again yesterday, and spent a lot more time there this time. And then- wait for it, it gets really sucky right here- I spent 3 or 4 hours that night working on the physics project. Because we had to turn it in this morning.
Even though I really didn't want to do that (especially because that would mean doing schoolwork on Sunday), I was basically forced to. I don't want to sound like a butthead, but... I honestly feel like it's the fault of my teammates. I tried to finish what I was supposed to do so that we still had plenty of time to put everything together, but they didn't really follow that example all that much... I had a hard time restraining myself from doing more than mildly-gentle nudges. I dunno, maybe one or two of those nudges weren't even as gentle as I intended. I could just feel the Blunt Sass-Maker 2000 trying to come out! But that was the one that made me a butthole when I was in charge of my own RP forum, and I don't want that again!
But geez did these guys try my patience. Oh, so much.
Okay, there's a lot to talk about, so I gotta get behind my rant and get started!
I was waiting for it. Waiting for it. The Monday after last post, my mom and sis were talking about how I could try to plan things out so I'd be less stressed. I mean, this was quite the busy October, and it's really sucked. I pretty much hold my tears in until they point it out. Once they do, I can't help but start crying. (They get really confused by this reaction.)
I actually cried more like two or three times, all from my stress and sheer frustration over the whole situation. I mean, it felt everything school-related and college-related (otherwise known as even more school) just got piled up on me at the same time. (Frankly, it's such a relief that I've survived without losing that much sleep.)
But yeah. That Monday sucked.
My sister, as an effort to help me feel a little better, popped up after another bout of tears in the afternoon and gave me a little stuffed animal.
Look at that absolute adorableness.
Since we'd just watched Zootopia together that weekend, I named him Nick Wilde. Of course.
I'm so tempted to call my sister a precious angel just for this moment, cuz it meant a lot to me... even though she admitted it was actually supposed to be my Christmas present this year. No wonder she managed to pull this out of thin air. I don't expect her to get another present, duh, and I never expect any of my family to give me Christmas presents- especially considering that, well, I tend to end up not having presents for them in return. This was the perfect gesture, though, and proves that my family knows me too well and I'm really predictable. I'm kinda okay with that.
Like I said before, I somehow survived these past few weeks- and by that I mean I actually got just about everything I planned to do done (except get much further on my Stanford app, but I'll explain that later) and I didn't cry again. Two victories right there.
One of those things was intended to be for the Stanford application- one question asks what historical moment/event you would want to witness, and I just figured something to do with Mexico gaining its independence because ¡¡¡VIVA MÉXICO!!! And, well, I liked the idea of learning more about Mexico's history and do something more with my mom as I tried to decide what to put for my answer. (I honestly still don't know what to put.) Her suggestion was to watch a really old movie that had been about how Mexico got its national hymn/anthem and also about Cinco de Mayo. Since it's harder for me to understand Spanish on TV and in movies, especially the older stuff since the audio isn't as good, she explained every once in a while what they were talking about, but I could usually get quite well what was going on in the second half-ish. (...The subtitles that we later found helped.) It was pretty cool, and even my mom was like "Wow, I didn't remember learning that in school!" and we both got pretty sucked into the story. There were a few parts where the characters said very patriotic things where I kinda felt they could've toned it down juuuuust a bit, but besides that I really liked the movie! Even better, I could watch it with my mom! *audience "aw"s*
I realized at some point that week that I hadn't ever bothered with considering putting Rory into WFAM. Though I'm not 100% sure what part of the story she'll be in, I have an idea that she can be part of the 3rd Side, AKA the bad guy's side... Also, I decided to make her middle name Aurora (which totally doesn't have to do with the physics project being about the Aurora borealis). Rory Aurora Madgett. I actually like it quite a bit. (Another idea based off her new full name is making her be a shifter who tends to shift into a ram... cuz her initials are now RAM... Hehe, so many clevers.)
Both Saturdays, we went to eat at a Chinese place we hadn't tried before, and just about everything we've ordered is really good. I have a feeling this is going to be one of our new favorite restaurants.
Not last Saturday, but the Saturday before that, there was a baptism in our ward, and it was pretty cool because one of the guys getting baptized is in my Sunday School class! I feel kinda bad because the teenagers in just about any of the wards I've been in aren't exactly the best representatives of our church... but he seems like he really enjoys class, so I'm so happy he like the gospel and church. Apparently, he hadn't ever been to any church before this, but he seems like he's actually gonna stick around and stay faithful. I mean, that's crazy awesome!
This is one of those moments where I feel kinda weird about talking about something really private between me and another person... but this is really important. Basically, Carter and I made a promise to each other that, if either of us ended up meeting an untimely demise before we get to finish our stories- his is DoH, mine is WFAM- that the other person will be given the rights to all of it to continue the work. So if he dies, I finish DoH in his stead, and if I die he finishes WFAM. I learned in Financial Lit that you have to be at least 18 to make a will, so at the moment we can really just promise that that will be on our wills, but both of us are taking it really seriously. Thinking about who I want my possessions to go to when I die is not something I've ever thought to do or wanted to do before this, but right now I'm just thinking that some of the stuff that's most important to me just so happen to be on my flash drive and Google Drive. ..Well, I guess I have actually thought about how I'd likely just give my family and some of my friends full permission to read the things I wrote in this blog. I mean, it's my diary, and a diary can say a lot about a person. Even though there's still a lot of stuff left out of here, there's a lot that my mom, dad, and sister don't know about me yet. Like that one time I cried after my sis had left the house for the first time. (I'm so glad I can handle her being gone a lot better now- and, well, I have to, since she's gonna be going to Europe in a few weeks, and staying there. I haven't mentioned it before because it was only very recently that that was made official.) Or that I wrote a song for Coatrack. Or even that I referred to most people by weird codenames like "Coatrack" here! I should probably put a key somewhere in my stuff so whoever reads this will understand who the heck I'm talking about... Dang, with 200 posts, it's going to take a while for me to go through all the posts and write down who it is that I'm talking about in all of them.
But yeah. Even if I don't get to put it on my will (it very well can happen- no one can predict how long life will last), I am saying it here and now that when I die, my flash drive and Google Drive are to be put in the hands of my mom, dad, sister, and Cairo (AKA Carter, in this blog). And, if I haven't finished WFAM, then Cairo is given my little black notebook that my sis gave me for my 15th birthday. Just about everything related to WFAM is in there, along with a lot of other poo. And this blog... Well, basically given to my family and whoever considers themselves my friends, and whoever else my family and friends deem okay to read any of this. Though it's not like I wanna restrict all that much who reads this, I'd just feel kinda uncomfortable if just about everyone in the entire world read it, and knew who wrote it, ya know. So... publishing it as an actual book or something? Even though I highly doubt anyone in their right mind would do that, Dead Me would not really appreciate it all that much, I think. Be careful what you do, because I'm basically entrusting my life story to you, even though it tends to not be a particularly interesting life story. Complicated? Oh, yes. Interesting? ...From what usually ends up in my posts, I don't think so.
That's it for future inevitable death, so I guess I'll return to the topic of my future inevitable life.
*unenthusiastic* Woo, constantly-changing college plans.
Wait a minute, I'm suddenly remembering that I did cry at some point again during these past few weeks! It was because of this very topic- college plans changed.
So, due to the college workshop, I felt a little better about going to the U of U. And seeing that I was starting to consider going there a little more, my dad decided that we'd go there together to get more info on scholarships and special programs that I can be a part of if I go there and such. Some of them didn't really say much beyond what's already on the U's website, but we did talk to one guy who was, um... I can't remember his job title, but he was a junior who worked in the Undergraduate Research Opportunities Program, though he was more of an info guy than research assistance guy, I think... Anyway, we were sitting with him for an hour or so, and he was telling us more about these programs and telling us what he thought were my best options. Craziness- he was studying what I was planning to study, and also just recently started a business/organization (can't remember which), which is exactly what my dad wants to do in the future! And we got there right before he showed up for his shift, and no one else came into the office! So, basically, the stars aligned so that we could talk to this guy.
Despite that, he said some stuff that I didn't want to take seriously, but... It was impossible not to take that stuff to heart. He'd pointed out that he'd been in a similar position as me- looking to some of the top American colleges, and having to decide between those or staying in-state- and he told me that he ultimately stayed here because you had more opportunities to do cool things like research and to be special in the U than in one of those schools where everybody has done equally awesome stuff and probably more than you, and are extremely competitive. Extremely. Though he talked more about Berkeley, since he'd been accepted there and he visited there and talked to one of his friends who was actually going there, he mentioned also visiting Stanford... I can imagine that it'd not be all that different.
See, I was already thinking very similar things to what he said- that it'd be a very competitive environment, that the classes would be even more stressful, that it'd be harder to stand out when everyone's at the same level and likely better than you in several ways- but I'd been trying to ignore that little voice in my head saying those things because everything else about Stanford sounded so great. But now that that guy had said those things out loud... it really stuck. And it completely ruined my Stanford spirit.
Now, I don't feel any desire to even send in my application, even though my family's still urging me to do it to see what happens. This is kinda tough, because I feel like just going to the state university might be too easy, but I don't think I could handle the schoolwork (I mean, c'mon, I'm already crazy stressed with what I'm doing now) and feeling like a nobody at Stanford... I mean, I certainly don't intend to be the popular kid, and I actually don't intend to do incredible world-changing things like you're supposed to tell colleges you want to do... but I can imagine my self-esteem wouldn't exactly grow, either, in a place like that.
And BYU's kinda out of the picture, again, since it turns out they barely have any of the kinds of classes I'd want to take... They technically have genetics, but it's basically just a bit of plant genetics. I wanna study the human kind, so no thank you.
At this point, it basically looks like U of U, and maybe turning in the Stanford app, still, if I manage to get myself to do it... Man, this was not what Past Me would've expected. Any of my Past Me's.
But yeah. I cried a bit because it sucks so bad for all my plans to change once again. Just like in the summer, and the other times things got really shaken up. (Again, my mom as confused by my reaction. Even though this time I actually tried to explain it.)
Also, from what we learned at the U, it seems highly unlikely that I'd ever manage to get an internship next semester, as I expected. (There's a program I can apply for at the U that would give me a similar experience, though, that starts the summer before my first fall semester at college, so that's pretty cool, right?) Plus, the fact I'm apparently gonna go to the U, which basically accepts all credits from the community college, means it's to my benefit, anyways, if I stick around to do some more concurrent classes. So, guess who's staying till June? (I think I might do 2 classes instead of 3, like I'd originally been thinking, so that I'd have more time to indulge in writing and other hobbies before I ship off to college.
Oh dang, I should probably be getting ready for bed now... Dang it, post, why do you have to take so long?!
Last week, I did Halloween-themed outfits! And, since I rarely take actual pics of myself since that's kinda ruining the sort-of anonymity of this whole thing (and I usually feel weird taking pictures of myself anyways), I did my best to draw them... but when I did this, there was only pen to work with.
I might've over-edited this, but I couldn't help it! I thought the aura the drawings attained looked cool!
Monday: Snoopy Jack-o-Lantern tank top under my orange plaid shirt; dark jeans with pocket watch; Batman boots. (This is what I wore when my dad took me around the U. Dang, my feet were killing me by the end.)
Tuesday: New black-and-white Nightmare Before Christmas flyaway cardigan-sweater-thing over a plain black dress (oh my gosh, it wasn't till near the end of school that my friend realized my dress was inside out! At least it was only noticeable on the collar and bottom hem, since I hadn't ever taken off the cardigan!); thick, purple tights; pocket watch worn as necklace; black flats.
Wednesday: Nightmare Before Christmas shirt, which has Jack on the front and Sally on the back (layered over a gray long-sleeved shirt); green jeans with pocket watch; black hairclip (I switched it with a spiderweb butterfly clip when I went to Young Women's); gray zipper Converse. (Today, the Young Men and Women of the stake got together to watch the Studio C Face-to-Face live, which was pretty great, even though I've barely seen any of their stuff. I know, I'm a disappointment to all Mormons everywhere.)
Thursday: Kiki's Delivery Service tank top layered over a black long-sleeved shirt; velvet-ish black leggings; pocket watch worn as necklace and Halloween hair ties used for pigtails; gray Converse.
Friday: Orange dress (that is intended more for spring or summer, but whatever) with black cardigan over it (which had a white translucent lace-ish detail at the collarbone and little skull buttons- classic Hot Topic); black tights; spiderweb butterfly hairclip; black flats.
So much detail! I bet you didn't even care!
Ah man, I seriously should be in bed by now, and I still haven't talked about what happened at the ACTs! Okay, um, I guess I'm leaving that to next week...? Man, I seriously hope I don't regret doing that.
Just final comment that I came across a whole plagiarizing conspiracy on the internet; I realized one of the sources I had used for the physics project had actually copy-and-pasted from another website, along with some of the other stuff they'd put, but it was impossible to find who had posted some of that in the first place because 5 or 6 other people had copied-and-pasted too! As in, a gazillion websites with literally the exact same sentences/paragraphs and I couldn't even tell who said that in the first place. It was absolutely insane to watch as this whole thing unfolded before my eyes on my computer screen.
Alright, almost midnight! BYE!
This is the 200th post!!! *confetti, fireworks, awesome party music!*
And... I don't have any particularly astounding news besides that.
Well, besides that I didn't put this up for over 2 weeks! Geez, I was really hoping I'd at the very least post this on time. But, well, last Sunday was the second half of the college prep workshop- oh, and guess what? It was Brorange's b-day that week, so we went to his house for dinner! And he actually came to the workshop so we could hang out a little longer. I wish it was a little funner that day for him, but at least we could hang still. We also went to his house again yesterday, and spent a lot more time there this time. And then- wait for it, it gets really sucky right here- I spent 3 or 4 hours that night working on the physics project. Because we had to turn it in this morning.
Even though I really didn't want to do that (especially because that would mean doing schoolwork on Sunday), I was basically forced to. I don't want to sound like a butthead, but... I honestly feel like it's the fault of my teammates. I tried to finish what I was supposed to do so that we still had plenty of time to put everything together, but they didn't really follow that example all that much... I had a hard time restraining myself from doing more than mildly-gentle nudges. I dunno, maybe one or two of those nudges weren't even as gentle as I intended. I could just feel the Blunt Sass-Maker 2000 trying to come out! But that was the one that made me a butthole when I was in charge of my own RP forum, and I don't want that again!
But geez did these guys try my patience. Oh, so much.
Okay, there's a lot to talk about, so I gotta get behind my rant and get started!
I was waiting for it. Waiting for it. The Monday after last post, my mom and sis were talking about how I could try to plan things out so I'd be less stressed. I mean, this was quite the busy October, and it's really sucked. I pretty much hold my tears in until they point it out. Once they do, I can't help but start crying. (They get really confused by this reaction.)
I actually cried more like two or three times, all from my stress and sheer frustration over the whole situation. I mean, it felt everything school-related and college-related (otherwise known as even more school) just got piled up on me at the same time. (Frankly, it's such a relief that I've survived without losing that much sleep.)
But yeah. That Monday sucked.
My sister, as an effort to help me feel a little better, popped up after another bout of tears in the afternoon and gave me a little stuffed animal.
Look at that absolute adorableness.
Since we'd just watched Zootopia together that weekend, I named him Nick Wilde. Of course.
I'm so tempted to call my sister a precious angel just for this moment, cuz it meant a lot to me... even though she admitted it was actually supposed to be my Christmas present this year. No wonder she managed to pull this out of thin air. I don't expect her to get another present, duh, and I never expect any of my family to give me Christmas presents- especially considering that, well, I tend to end up not having presents for them in return. This was the perfect gesture, though, and proves that my family knows me too well and I'm really predictable. I'm kinda okay with that.
Like I said before, I somehow survived these past few weeks- and by that I mean I actually got just about everything I planned to do done (except get much further on my Stanford app, but I'll explain that later) and I didn't cry again. Two victories right there.
One of those things was intended to be for the Stanford application- one question asks what historical moment/event you would want to witness, and I just figured something to do with Mexico gaining its independence because ¡¡¡VIVA MÉXICO!!! And, well, I liked the idea of learning more about Mexico's history and do something more with my mom as I tried to decide what to put for my answer. (I honestly still don't know what to put.) Her suggestion was to watch a really old movie that had been about how Mexico got its national hymn/anthem and also about Cinco de Mayo. Since it's harder for me to understand Spanish on TV and in movies, especially the older stuff since the audio isn't as good, she explained every once in a while what they were talking about, but I could usually get quite well what was going on in the second half-ish. (...The subtitles that we later found helped.) It was pretty cool, and even my mom was like "Wow, I didn't remember learning that in school!" and we both got pretty sucked into the story. There were a few parts where the characters said very patriotic things where I kinda felt they could've toned it down juuuuust a bit, but besides that I really liked the movie! Even better, I could watch it with my mom! *audience "aw"s*
I realized at some point that week that I hadn't ever bothered with considering putting Rory into WFAM. Though I'm not 100% sure what part of the story she'll be in, I have an idea that she can be part of the 3rd Side, AKA the bad guy's side... Also, I decided to make her middle name Aurora (which totally doesn't have to do with the physics project being about the Aurora borealis). Rory Aurora Madgett. I actually like it quite a bit. (Another idea based off her new full name is making her be a shifter who tends to shift into a ram... cuz her initials are now RAM... Hehe, so many clevers.)
Both Saturdays, we went to eat at a Chinese place we hadn't tried before, and just about everything we've ordered is really good. I have a feeling this is going to be one of our new favorite restaurants.
Not last Saturday, but the Saturday before that, there was a baptism in our ward, and it was pretty cool because one of the guys getting baptized is in my Sunday School class! I feel kinda bad because the teenagers in just about any of the wards I've been in aren't exactly the best representatives of our church... but he seems like he really enjoys class, so I'm so happy he like the gospel and church. Apparently, he hadn't ever been to any church before this, but he seems like he's actually gonna stick around and stay faithful. I mean, that's crazy awesome!
This is one of those moments where I feel kinda weird about talking about something really private between me and another person... but this is really important. Basically, Carter and I made a promise to each other that, if either of us ended up meeting an untimely demise before we get to finish our stories- his is DoH, mine is WFAM- that the other person will be given the rights to all of it to continue the work. So if he dies, I finish DoH in his stead, and if I die he finishes WFAM. I learned in Financial Lit that you have to be at least 18 to make a will, so at the moment we can really just promise that that will be on our wills, but both of us are taking it really seriously. Thinking about who I want my possessions to go to when I die is not something I've ever thought to do or wanted to do before this, but right now I'm just thinking that some of the stuff that's most important to me just so happen to be on my flash drive and Google Drive. ..Well, I guess I have actually thought about how I'd likely just give my family and some of my friends full permission to read the things I wrote in this blog. I mean, it's my diary, and a diary can say a lot about a person. Even though there's still a lot of stuff left out of here, there's a lot that my mom, dad, and sister don't know about me yet. Like that one time I cried after my sis had left the house for the first time. (I'm so glad I can handle her being gone a lot better now- and, well, I have to, since she's gonna be going to Europe in a few weeks, and staying there. I haven't mentioned it before because it was only very recently that that was made official.) Or that I wrote a song for Coatrack. Or even that I referred to most people by weird codenames like "Coatrack" here! I should probably put a key somewhere in my stuff so whoever reads this will understand who the heck I'm talking about... Dang, with 200 posts, it's going to take a while for me to go through all the posts and write down who it is that I'm talking about in all of them.
But yeah. Even if I don't get to put it on my will (it very well can happen- no one can predict how long life will last), I am saying it here and now that when I die, my flash drive and Google Drive are to be put in the hands of my mom, dad, sister, and Cairo (AKA Carter, in this blog). And, if I haven't finished WFAM, then Cairo is given my little black notebook that my sis gave me for my 15th birthday. Just about everything related to WFAM is in there, along with a lot of other poo. And this blog... Well, basically given to my family and whoever considers themselves my friends, and whoever else my family and friends deem okay to read any of this. Though it's not like I wanna restrict all that much who reads this, I'd just feel kinda uncomfortable if just about everyone in the entire world read it, and knew who wrote it, ya know. So... publishing it as an actual book or something? Even though I highly doubt anyone in their right mind would do that, Dead Me would not really appreciate it all that much, I think. Be careful what you do, because I'm basically entrusting my life story to you, even though it tends to not be a particularly interesting life story. Complicated? Oh, yes. Interesting? ...From what usually ends up in my posts, I don't think so.
That's it for future inevitable death, so I guess I'll return to the topic of my future inevitable life.
*unenthusiastic* Woo, constantly-changing college plans.
Wait a minute, I'm suddenly remembering that I did cry at some point again during these past few weeks! It was because of this very topic- college plans changed.
So, due to the college workshop, I felt a little better about going to the U of U. And seeing that I was starting to consider going there a little more, my dad decided that we'd go there together to get more info on scholarships and special programs that I can be a part of if I go there and such. Some of them didn't really say much beyond what's already on the U's website, but we did talk to one guy who was, um... I can't remember his job title, but he was a junior who worked in the Undergraduate Research Opportunities Program, though he was more of an info guy than research assistance guy, I think... Anyway, we were sitting with him for an hour or so, and he was telling us more about these programs and telling us what he thought were my best options. Craziness- he was studying what I was planning to study, and also just recently started a business/organization (can't remember which), which is exactly what my dad wants to do in the future! And we got there right before he showed up for his shift, and no one else came into the office! So, basically, the stars aligned so that we could talk to this guy.
Despite that, he said some stuff that I didn't want to take seriously, but... It was impossible not to take that stuff to heart. He'd pointed out that he'd been in a similar position as me- looking to some of the top American colleges, and having to decide between those or staying in-state- and he told me that he ultimately stayed here because you had more opportunities to do cool things like research and to be special in the U than in one of those schools where everybody has done equally awesome stuff and probably more than you, and are extremely competitive. Extremely. Though he talked more about Berkeley, since he'd been accepted there and he visited there and talked to one of his friends who was actually going there, he mentioned also visiting Stanford... I can imagine that it'd not be all that different.
See, I was already thinking very similar things to what he said- that it'd be a very competitive environment, that the classes would be even more stressful, that it'd be harder to stand out when everyone's at the same level and likely better than you in several ways- but I'd been trying to ignore that little voice in my head saying those things because everything else about Stanford sounded so great. But now that that guy had said those things out loud... it really stuck. And it completely ruined my Stanford spirit.
Now, I don't feel any desire to even send in my application, even though my family's still urging me to do it to see what happens. This is kinda tough, because I feel like just going to the state university might be too easy, but I don't think I could handle the schoolwork (I mean, c'mon, I'm already crazy stressed with what I'm doing now) and feeling like a nobody at Stanford... I mean, I certainly don't intend to be the popular kid, and I actually don't intend to do incredible world-changing things like you're supposed to tell colleges you want to do... but I can imagine my self-esteem wouldn't exactly grow, either, in a place like that.
And BYU's kinda out of the picture, again, since it turns out they barely have any of the kinds of classes I'd want to take... They technically have genetics, but it's basically just a bit of plant genetics. I wanna study the human kind, so no thank you.
At this point, it basically looks like U of U, and maybe turning in the Stanford app, still, if I manage to get myself to do it... Man, this was not what Past Me would've expected. Any of my Past Me's.
But yeah. I cried a bit because it sucks so bad for all my plans to change once again. Just like in the summer, and the other times things got really shaken up. (Again, my mom as confused by my reaction. Even though this time I actually tried to explain it.)
Also, from what we learned at the U, it seems highly unlikely that I'd ever manage to get an internship next semester, as I expected. (There's a program I can apply for at the U that would give me a similar experience, though, that starts the summer before my first fall semester at college, so that's pretty cool, right?) Plus, the fact I'm apparently gonna go to the U, which basically accepts all credits from the community college, means it's to my benefit, anyways, if I stick around to do some more concurrent classes. So, guess who's staying till June? (I think I might do 2 classes instead of 3, like I'd originally been thinking, so that I'd have more time to indulge in writing and other hobbies before I ship off to college.
Oh dang, I should probably be getting ready for bed now... Dang it, post, why do you have to take so long?!
Last week, I did Halloween-themed outfits! And, since I rarely take actual pics of myself since that's kinda ruining the sort-of anonymity of this whole thing (and I usually feel weird taking pictures of myself anyways), I did my best to draw them... but when I did this, there was only pen to work with.
I might've over-edited this, but I couldn't help it! I thought the aura the drawings attained looked cool!
Monday: Snoopy Jack-o-Lantern tank top under my orange plaid shirt; dark jeans with pocket watch; Batman boots. (This is what I wore when my dad took me around the U. Dang, my feet were killing me by the end.)
Tuesday: New black-and-white Nightmare Before Christmas flyaway cardigan-sweater-thing over a plain black dress (oh my gosh, it wasn't till near the end of school that my friend realized my dress was inside out! At least it was only noticeable on the collar and bottom hem, since I hadn't ever taken off the cardigan!); thick, purple tights; pocket watch worn as necklace; black flats.
Wednesday: Nightmare Before Christmas shirt, which has Jack on the front and Sally on the back (layered over a gray long-sleeved shirt); green jeans with pocket watch; black hairclip (I switched it with a spiderweb butterfly clip when I went to Young Women's); gray zipper Converse. (Today, the Young Men and Women of the stake got together to watch the Studio C Face-to-Face live, which was pretty great, even though I've barely seen any of their stuff. I know, I'm a disappointment to all Mormons everywhere.)
Thursday: Kiki's Delivery Service tank top layered over a black long-sleeved shirt; velvet-ish black leggings; pocket watch worn as necklace and Halloween hair ties used for pigtails; gray Converse.
Friday: Orange dress (that is intended more for spring or summer, but whatever) with black cardigan over it (which had a white translucent lace-ish detail at the collarbone and little skull buttons- classic Hot Topic); black tights; spiderweb butterfly hairclip; black flats.
So much detail! I bet you didn't even care!
Ah man, I seriously should be in bed by now, and I still haven't talked about what happened at the ACTs! Okay, um, I guess I'm leaving that to next week...? Man, I seriously hope I don't regret doing that.
Just final comment that I came across a whole plagiarizing conspiracy on the internet; I realized one of the sources I had used for the physics project had actually copy-and-pasted from another website, along with some of the other stuff they'd put, but it was impossible to find who had posted some of that in the first place because 5 or 6 other people had copied-and-pasted too! As in, a gazillion websites with literally the exact same sentences/paragraphs and I couldn't even tell who said that in the first place. It was absolutely insane to watch as this whole thing unfolded before my eyes on my computer screen.
Alright, almost midnight! BYE!
Sunday, October 9, 2016
Ed-Inspired Outfits + Worlds Falling Apart
Hello world!
So my dad got the old laptop of a coworker for free, and he decided to give it to me! I mean, I guess it's technically for everyone in the house, but I'll definitely be the one to use it the most.
Though it is used, what is awesome about it is that is has Windows 7! And a full keyboard plus number pad! And it is a whole lot like the big, gray laptop I used all the time in 8th and 9th grade! Since those days ended, I've mainly just kinda borrowed the other laptops when necessary, including my sister's, so it's nice that I have one that I can (mainly) call my own.
It's relatively big and pretty heavy, so I doubt I'm gonna go tote it around school unless it is absolutely necessary, but at least I can spend more of my time at home on things that aren't just watching Netflix and reading on my phone. And it makes me feel younger again, since the experience brings me back to being 13. It isn't quite as fast as I think the gray laptop had been, and who knows if its battery can last without being plugged into the charger all the time. but it still does the job perfectly fine. Once I've done a little more personalizing, it's definitely gonna feel nostalgic. Who knows? Maybe I'll start playing AQ again and posting on Facebook and watching Pewdiepie and playing Nightcore... Okay, the last one is definitely a given. I started getting back into looking at new Nightcore a month-ish ago- unfortunately, they often use the new popular songs that I'm actually not much of a fan of... (Oh yeah, and Green Day came out with a new album on Friday, but the songs don't sound quite like what I'm used to hearing from their old stuff, so... that sucks.)
So: FMA T-shirt (tucked in), black jeans, Batman combat boots (I didn't show the sides with the Batman symbol), pocket watch, bracelet, and my sister's red jacket. Turns out the only jacket with the right shade of red that she owned was a blazer. I was like "Oh no!" but with everything together, I... actually looked pretty cool. The back of the blazer ends right at my waist, and same with the black jeans, and then the front of the blazer kinda flares out (the term might be "fly-away"?). It's nothing like Ed's jacket besides color, but I looked and felt like a total boss. I am also inclined to say "chic", for some reason.
So, that was my whole ensemble, and I had my mom French braid my hair the night before for a complete look that somewhat resembled Ed but mostly was just super cool.
I tried to keep "Ready, Steady, Go!" stuck in my head for the day, seeing as that's the FMA opening I have completely memorized and it always gets me super pumped. (Well, honestly, all the songs get me super pumped; that one is just easier to remember the whole song for, and it was the first opening I thought of when I said to myself "I should play FMA songs in my head all day.")
I guess I'll just mention that the group project I was scared of last post actually doesn't seem like it'll be that bad? I mean, I've never written a research paper with a group before, but the topic is interesting- the aurora borealis- and I'm not stuck with a bunch of butts. Isaiah is in my group, and I know from working with him on homework and stuff that he actually does put in effort and stuff. (...I said "and stuff" twice in that last sentence. Ow.) The other two guys haven't done as much work as me and Isaiah yet, but it's understandable because they actually have jobs and stuff like that, and they don't seem like they're intentionally trying to bail on us. We have a lot to do, but I feel pretty confident that we'll actually get it all done on time, despite everything else I have to worry about, school-wise, lately.
Among those is the college application, of course. I linked my counselor and my two recommenders (I'm not very sure about having my math teacher anymore, but it's possible she'll be my optional third if I feel I need another person...), so I don't have to worry about that anymore (supposedly), and I'm feeling a bit more confident about my essay idea, even though what I have written is surely waaay too long. I plan to try free-writing the same idea a third time, and then typing up all the parts that I like from the three drafts to see if I can turn them all into one decent essay. The idea is kinda embarrassing, I think, but it feels right. I guess I'll post my essay here once it's ready. (No, I won't even bother with summarizing the idea, because it just sounds stupid, much like some of my stories.)
I haven't made that much progress on the early-graduation-or-not decision I need to make. I tried calling Stanford, and the lady had just said that the decision depends on whether I feel like it's better for me to continue with college classes or use my time for something else that is also going to help me intellectually, grow as a person, that kind of thing. So, it sounds like just intending to use that time to develop my talents might not really cut it.
My mom had presented the idea that maybe I could do an unpaid internship, since my sis had actually done that once for a short time in Alabama. In my case, it would make the most sense to try becoming an intern at a scientific lab. I looked online for things like that, but most were paid internships that happened only in the summer and needed prior experience. Not very helpful for me. Pretty much, I'm hoping I'll get the chance to go to one or two of the places that were very close-by that had once put up info on a paid internship and ask if they're willing to accept an unpaid intern with no experience early next year. Maybe they'll actually give me a shot, or give me a similar opportunity instead. It'd be incredible for me to get something like that, seeing as I intend to tell Stanford I want to study Human Biology but am not totally sure if I'll really be happy in such a profession...?
A few weeks ago, we'd talked about the creepy clowns in North Carolina in English 1010 before they'd even been close to Utah. And now, incidents are happening here and in some other states, like Oregon. It's ridiculous that people managed to start this phenomenon, especially so close to Halloween. I'm seriously hoping this dies down, fast.
Then there's also the hurricane in Florida that's making me fear for Darkrai's safety. He said he'll be fine, but... that thing is huge. It's going to affect absolutely everyone on the Southeast coast of the US. Why do you do this, Darkrai? Why do you have to live in that area? And not flee the state? WHY?!
I had a dream a few days ago, and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. It's like... I don't like it, even though I can't think of a truly disturbing thing that happened in the dream, and yet I can't stop thinking about it. I can barely even think of how to describe it.
Basically, what I remember is that there was a machine downtown that was pretty hidden- on a street that few people went through- but it was pretty much what was keeping our world from falling apart. Like, literally falling apart. If the lever was in the other direction, then the Earth started breaking into tiny pieces and we'd all float about on the small chunks and the world would be completely destroyed unless someone switched the lever again before the pieces got too far apart from each other. Apparently, someone was planning on doing just that, and I was trying to find the machine before it was too late and the world got ripped apart.
This, among a few other aspects of the dream, felt very familiar, so I'm sure I had dreamed something very similar to this once or twice before. I remember passing through a dress shop (one of the parts that made me very uncomfortable about the dream; I think it was mainly the employees, even though they never actually did something bad while I was in there... I think I could just feel wrongness come out of them or something) and, before that, I had wandered about a mansion that apparently belonged to my principal...? I think it was kinda part mansion, part mall-inside-of-a-very-fancy-building. And speaking of mall, I had a dream a few days before this where I saw one of my old friends, who now dresses quite goth, in a mall. She was in this one, too, but her role was more like a tag-along (in comparison to just so happening to see her in a store) because she had nothing better to do at the moment.
What was different, though, and was so freaking frustrating was that I didn't have shoes on. Only no-show socks. That meant, even though I was on a mission to essentially save the world, Dream Me couldn't bring herself to run on the pavement with only a flimsy piece of fabric for protection. I mean, it was understandable, cuz self-preservation, but I could just feel how much slower I was moving in comparison to how fast I should be moving. I wanted to scream at myself!
Anyway, I ran- excuse me, walked- all through the city, especially in the train, in the mansion, and trying to get through the back door of the dress shop to escape the employees- all of them were somewhat creepy males, if I'm not mistaken- and, right in the street at the back of the store, lay the machine. I had almost reached it when I felt the ground break and the world started falling apart. There was a screen on the machine that showed something that looked more like a simple representation of the solar system, and the different dots on orbits slowly started drifting away from each other, but it was really our planet that that was happening to. I managed to turn it off a few seconds after, and everything pieced back together and everything was okay. I knew that was really lucky, because a little longer would've meant doom for us all.
That's pretty much my dream... Yeah, not as weird as some of my others, I know. I guess that's another part of why I don't understand why I'm mildly perturbed by it and have been thinking about it the past few days, and that I wish I didn't think about it... *sigh* This is weird.
Yesterday, we finally performed the dances. (...Did I even talk about practicing dances? I feel like not much.) The Multicultural Night finally rolled around, and it turned out the only performances were going to be those that my mom prepared with the Relief Society (plus me, since I'm not in the RS yet, and one guy who agreed to be in the "Viejitos" dance). 7 in total. My sister and I ended up being in 3.5 of them. We did "Susua" with the lady who I think is the RS president of this ward, "Tahiti" with all the women, and "El circo" with them again. And at the end, we came in halfway of when my mom was doing "El Negro", which is one of the really fun Jalisco dances. At the last minute, though, my mom had come up with that, and then at the very, very last minute, she decided to stick me and my sis in other traditional Mexican dresses that had big skirts too so that all the other participants could come out in the end in their varied dresses and costumes and we'd all be different and it'd look cool. That got a bit messed up, since a few of the performers didn't actually come out when they were supposed to, but otherwise the show went quite well.
Just kinda wanna mention a few small things before I go for today. One, I had put myself on the community college's emergency contact list... or whatever that's called. Basically, if there's an emergency, they will call, text, email, whatever in order to let me know about the emergency. A few days ago, I received things in all three ways, so that they could test whether it was actually working or not. The email and text looked pretty normal, but then they'd called me during class. Obviously, I didn't answer, especially because it wasn't from a family member, but a voicemail had been left for me. I didn't know it was from the college; I assumed it was a wrong number yet again, but I figured I should check anyway. I listened to it last night. The voicemail was only 3 seconds long, and had the voice of a female, the kind that sounds like it's used for announcements and call centers and the one used for robots. That voice.
All she said was, "Again, this is a test."
Then it ended.
I'm serious. I luckily caught on very fast to what the voicemail was about, but I was just imagining how creeped out I would've been if I didn't know it was the community college.
I feel like having a call/voicemail with a computerized female voice saying something like "This is a test" could be great for something suspense. I'm really hoping I remember that to see if it'll fit into a future idea for a story.
I envisioned sometime during Sacrament meeting today about what I might do in college when General Conference rolls around... Because of Zoey 101, I have a rough idea of what the dorms might be like in college (though I doubt they'd be that swag), and I remember a few times they'd have the news or student shows playing on the TV on the first floor of the dorms, which were kinda a lobby/living room kind of deal. If such a thing exists in my future dorms (I feel like probs not, but one can dream), then I'd probably want to see if I could put on GC there. It could be really cool, because it'd be a chill environment for me and other members to watch together, and maybe bring some friends, and we could provide the opportunity for other people just passing by to get intrigued by what the heck we're watching and join us for a bit. The idea makes me happy.
My dad and I just went to the first part of a college prep workshop today (at LDSBC, which is why it's on Sunday). And... that's pretty much everything.
I've got a lot I hope to do this week, so wish me luck! K bai!
So my dad got the old laptop of a coworker for free, and he decided to give it to me! I mean, I guess it's technically for everyone in the house, but I'll definitely be the one to use it the most.
Though it is used, what is awesome about it is that is has Windows 7! And a full keyboard plus number pad! And it is a whole lot like the big, gray laptop I used all the time in 8th and 9th grade! Since those days ended, I've mainly just kinda borrowed the other laptops when necessary, including my sister's, so it's nice that I have one that I can (mainly) call my own.
It's relatively big and pretty heavy, so I doubt I'm gonna go tote it around school unless it is absolutely necessary, but at least I can spend more of my time at home on things that aren't just watching Netflix and reading on my phone. And it makes me feel younger again, since the experience brings me back to being 13. It isn't quite as fast as I think the gray laptop had been, and who knows if its battery can last without being plugged into the charger all the time. but it still does the job perfectly fine. Once I've done a little more personalizing, it's definitely gonna feel nostalgic. Who knows? Maybe I'll start playing AQ again and posting on Facebook and watching Pewdiepie and playing Nightcore... Okay, the last one is definitely a given. I started getting back into looking at new Nightcore a month-ish ago- unfortunately, they often use the new popular songs that I'm actually not much of a fan of... (Oh yeah, and Green Day came out with a new album on Friday, but the songs don't sound quite like what I'm used to hearing from their old stuff, so... that sucks.)
This is the first time I'm posting from this laptop, and this is definitely making me nostalgic as well. Dang, man, it was just about 4 years ago that I began this blog, but it feels like it was forever ago... I envision my old bedroom, with the Hello Kitty furniture and the corner desk with my online school supplies and the bookshelves and the lyrics sheets stuck onto my wall with Bendaroos above my drum set and all my old artwork on display for me to admire... Not everything was splendid about that period of time in my life, but it was still pretty dang good. I'm glad Younger Me enjoyed it, because I don't know how I'd feel if I looked back on that time now and instead of remembering how much I enjoyed being left to my own devices in my bedroom, recalling that I was quite the bitter buttface all the time despite having the good life.
Things seeming to come full circle when the 200th post is next week just seems so fitting, for some reason. I feel pretty pleased about that, even though this is such a small thing to be enjoying.
Okay, that's definitely enough reminiscing for now, so let's get on with what else happened this week besides being given the laptop!
FMA Day was very fun for me, even though very few people recognized the characters on my shirt, much less what I was trying to dress as.
So: FMA T-shirt (tucked in), black jeans, Batman combat boots (I didn't show the sides with the Batman symbol), pocket watch, bracelet, and my sister's red jacket. Turns out the only jacket with the right shade of red that she owned was a blazer. I was like "Oh no!" but with everything together, I... actually looked pretty cool. The back of the blazer ends right at my waist, and same with the black jeans, and then the front of the blazer kinda flares out (the term might be "fly-away"?). It's nothing like Ed's jacket besides color, but I looked and felt like a total boss. I am also inclined to say "chic", for some reason.
So, that was my whole ensemble, and I had my mom French braid my hair the night before for a complete look that somewhat resembled Ed but mostly was just super cool.
I tried to keep "Ready, Steady, Go!" stuck in my head for the day, seeing as that's the FMA opening I have completely memorized and it always gets me super pumped. (Well, honestly, all the songs get me super pumped; that one is just easier to remember the whole song for, and it was the first opening I thought of when I said to myself "I should play FMA songs in my head all day.")
I guess I'll just mention that the group project I was scared of last post actually doesn't seem like it'll be that bad? I mean, I've never written a research paper with a group before, but the topic is interesting- the aurora borealis- and I'm not stuck with a bunch of butts. Isaiah is in my group, and I know from working with him on homework and stuff that he actually does put in effort and stuff. (...I said "and stuff" twice in that last sentence. Ow.) The other two guys haven't done as much work as me and Isaiah yet, but it's understandable because they actually have jobs and stuff like that, and they don't seem like they're intentionally trying to bail on us. We have a lot to do, but I feel pretty confident that we'll actually get it all done on time, despite everything else I have to worry about, school-wise, lately.
Among those is the college application, of course. I linked my counselor and my two recommenders (I'm not very sure about having my math teacher anymore, but it's possible she'll be my optional third if I feel I need another person...), so I don't have to worry about that anymore (supposedly), and I'm feeling a bit more confident about my essay idea, even though what I have written is surely waaay too long. I plan to try free-writing the same idea a third time, and then typing up all the parts that I like from the three drafts to see if I can turn them all into one decent essay. The idea is kinda embarrassing, I think, but it feels right. I guess I'll post my essay here once it's ready. (No, I won't even bother with summarizing the idea, because it just sounds stupid, much like some of my stories.)
I haven't made that much progress on the early-graduation-or-not decision I need to make. I tried calling Stanford, and the lady had just said that the decision depends on whether I feel like it's better for me to continue with college classes or use my time for something else that is also going to help me intellectually, grow as a person, that kind of thing. So, it sounds like just intending to use that time to develop my talents might not really cut it.
My mom had presented the idea that maybe I could do an unpaid internship, since my sis had actually done that once for a short time in Alabama. In my case, it would make the most sense to try becoming an intern at a scientific lab. I looked online for things like that, but most were paid internships that happened only in the summer and needed prior experience. Not very helpful for me. Pretty much, I'm hoping I'll get the chance to go to one or two of the places that were very close-by that had once put up info on a paid internship and ask if they're willing to accept an unpaid intern with no experience early next year. Maybe they'll actually give me a shot, or give me a similar opportunity instead. It'd be incredible for me to get something like that, seeing as I intend to tell Stanford I want to study Human Biology but am not totally sure if I'll really be happy in such a profession...?
A few weeks ago, we'd talked about the creepy clowns in North Carolina in English 1010 before they'd even been close to Utah. And now, incidents are happening here and in some other states, like Oregon. It's ridiculous that people managed to start this phenomenon, especially so close to Halloween. I'm seriously hoping this dies down, fast.
Then there's also the hurricane in Florida that's making me fear for Darkrai's safety. He said he'll be fine, but... that thing is huge. It's going to affect absolutely everyone on the Southeast coast of the US. Why do you do this, Darkrai? Why do you have to live in that area? And not flee the state? WHY?!
I had a dream a few days ago, and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. It's like... I don't like it, even though I can't think of a truly disturbing thing that happened in the dream, and yet I can't stop thinking about it. I can barely even think of how to describe it.
Basically, what I remember is that there was a machine downtown that was pretty hidden- on a street that few people went through- but it was pretty much what was keeping our world from falling apart. Like, literally falling apart. If the lever was in the other direction, then the Earth started breaking into tiny pieces and we'd all float about on the small chunks and the world would be completely destroyed unless someone switched the lever again before the pieces got too far apart from each other. Apparently, someone was planning on doing just that, and I was trying to find the machine before it was too late and the world got ripped apart.
This, among a few other aspects of the dream, felt very familiar, so I'm sure I had dreamed something very similar to this once or twice before. I remember passing through a dress shop (one of the parts that made me very uncomfortable about the dream; I think it was mainly the employees, even though they never actually did something bad while I was in there... I think I could just feel wrongness come out of them or something) and, before that, I had wandered about a mansion that apparently belonged to my principal...? I think it was kinda part mansion, part mall-inside-of-a-very-fancy-building. And speaking of mall, I had a dream a few days before this where I saw one of my old friends, who now dresses quite goth, in a mall. She was in this one, too, but her role was more like a tag-along (in comparison to just so happening to see her in a store) because she had nothing better to do at the moment.
What was different, though, and was so freaking frustrating was that I didn't have shoes on. Only no-show socks. That meant, even though I was on a mission to essentially save the world, Dream Me couldn't bring herself to run on the pavement with only a flimsy piece of fabric for protection. I mean, it was understandable, cuz self-preservation, but I could just feel how much slower I was moving in comparison to how fast I should be moving. I wanted to scream at myself!
Anyway, I ran- excuse me, walked- all through the city, especially in the train, in the mansion, and trying to get through the back door of the dress shop to escape the employees- all of them were somewhat creepy males, if I'm not mistaken- and, right in the street at the back of the store, lay the machine. I had almost reached it when I felt the ground break and the world started falling apart. There was a screen on the machine that showed something that looked more like a simple representation of the solar system, and the different dots on orbits slowly started drifting away from each other, but it was really our planet that that was happening to. I managed to turn it off a few seconds after, and everything pieced back together and everything was okay. I knew that was really lucky, because a little longer would've meant doom for us all.
That's pretty much my dream... Yeah, not as weird as some of my others, I know. I guess that's another part of why I don't understand why I'm mildly perturbed by it and have been thinking about it the past few days, and that I wish I didn't think about it... *sigh* This is weird.
Yesterday, we finally performed the dances. (...Did I even talk about practicing dances? I feel like not much.) The Multicultural Night finally rolled around, and it turned out the only performances were going to be those that my mom prepared with the Relief Society (plus me, since I'm not in the RS yet, and one guy who agreed to be in the "Viejitos" dance). 7 in total. My sister and I ended up being in 3.5 of them. We did "Susua" with the lady who I think is the RS president of this ward, "Tahiti" with all the women, and "El circo" with them again. And at the end, we came in halfway of when my mom was doing "El Negro", which is one of the really fun Jalisco dances. At the last minute, though, my mom had come up with that, and then at the very, very last minute, she decided to stick me and my sis in other traditional Mexican dresses that had big skirts too so that all the other participants could come out in the end in their varied dresses and costumes and we'd all be different and it'd look cool. That got a bit messed up, since a few of the performers didn't actually come out when they were supposed to, but otherwise the show went quite well.
Just kinda wanna mention a few small things before I go for today. One, I had put myself on the community college's emergency contact list... or whatever that's called. Basically, if there's an emergency, they will call, text, email, whatever in order to let me know about the emergency. A few days ago, I received things in all three ways, so that they could test whether it was actually working or not. The email and text looked pretty normal, but then they'd called me during class. Obviously, I didn't answer, especially because it wasn't from a family member, but a voicemail had been left for me. I didn't know it was from the college; I assumed it was a wrong number yet again, but I figured I should check anyway. I listened to it last night. The voicemail was only 3 seconds long, and had the voice of a female, the kind that sounds like it's used for announcements and call centers and the one used for robots. That voice.
All she said was, "Again, this is a test."
Then it ended.
I'm serious. I luckily caught on very fast to what the voicemail was about, but I was just imagining how creeped out I would've been if I didn't know it was the community college.
I feel like having a call/voicemail with a computerized female voice saying something like "This is a test" could be great for something suspense. I'm really hoping I remember that to see if it'll fit into a future idea for a story.
I envisioned sometime during Sacrament meeting today about what I might do in college when General Conference rolls around... Because of Zoey 101, I have a rough idea of what the dorms might be like in college (though I doubt they'd be that swag), and I remember a few times they'd have the news or student shows playing on the TV on the first floor of the dorms, which were kinda a lobby/living room kind of deal. If such a thing exists in my future dorms (I feel like probs not, but one can dream), then I'd probably want to see if I could put on GC there. It could be really cool, because it'd be a chill environment for me and other members to watch together, and maybe bring some friends, and we could provide the opportunity for other people just passing by to get intrigued by what the heck we're watching and join us for a bit. The idea makes me happy.
My dad and I just went to the first part of a college prep workshop today (at LDSBC, which is why it's on Sunday). And... that's pretty much everything.
I've got a lot I hope to do this week, so wish me luck! K bai!
Sunday, October 2, 2016
GC and KF and Possible Early Graduation
Hello world!
It's General Conference time, once again! It's been a busier weekend than usual, though; I can usually keep things pretty chill during GC, so this is a little weird.
For one thing, I had KF between the Saturday sessions. Since we'd only gone on Tuesday this week, we thought it best to go on Saturday despite GC going on. To my and my dad's surprise, after class my teacher (I read a blog post about someone saying how cool kung fu is, and they mentioned the teacher is called "Shifu", which is basically the Chinese equivalent of "Sensei". That was when I realized Master Shifu in Kung Fu Panda is actually being called by his title, not his name. That was a bit of a mind break.) said that I was free to do a pretest to see if I'm ready to move up to a yellow belt. Though I felt kinda "AH!" I did it, and he said I did very well and counted it as the actual test and I passed!
I was worried about losing what I learned as a white belt, so fortunately and unfortunately, I was told that the tests from here on are accumulative, as you show what you did for your previous belts and the new material, not just the new material. That means I have more incentive to actually keep up on what I learned before. If I end up trying to reach a black belt, though, that's gonna mean a lot of review and practice.
My dad's been pushing for me to try to get a black belt before I go to college. I was just a bit against it because of the cost of the tests and new belts. He was like "Seriously? I don't care!" And, well, I was also a bit worried about rushing through it all too fast and losing some of it. Knowing I have to know all of it for the black belt helps a little, though.
I don't exactly like aiming for the black belt rather than just learning, but it probably would indeed be a good idea to have that before I go, so I guess we'll see what happens.
Well, one thing that can help with that semi-goal is that there's the possibility of graduating a semester early. I mean, I knew I technically could, before, since I don't have much to do left in high school. My counselor told me I could do that during Parent-Teacher Conferences this week, though, (since I was supposed to meet with the counselor too, being a senior,) and I'm seriously considering it. The main priority in choosing is whether Stanford will like more seeing that I graduate a little early, or that I spent my last semester doing pure college classes. It's a big possibility they'll like the former more, according to my English teacher, but we should still check with the admissions office there. Besides Stanford, though, we've been thinking of more advantages to finishing school early.
An obvious one is that I can start earning money, if I so desired, without worrying about my classes and homework. I'd also be able to put more time to my hobbies- writing, drums, KF (thus making my black belt easier to reach by putting more time into practice and learning new material), maybe even dancing- and I'd have more freedom to do volunteer work.
Though it's technically not as important, it's possible that we'd also be able to spend more time with Abuelita. It doesn't just have to be limited to the time frame allowed by Winter Break. My mom was really hoping we could be there for Abuelita's birthday on New Year's. it sounds so nice to spend more time with her, so it's another motivation to finish school early.
I hadn't wanted to graduate early since I wanted to do more concurrent classes while I had the chance, and I figured I wouldn't even have anything to do without school. I feel a lot better about doing that now, though.
I'd miss my friends, of course, and I would most likely not be able to finish my Creative Writing course, which I just barely started on. (Now that I think about it, I might not be able to do seminary anymore... I hope I'd be able to figure out how to finish without inconveniencing myself or my mom.) ...That's pretty much it, though.
Hopefully, we'll call Stanford sometime this week so that we can know which to do, but I'm increasingly liking the idea of early graduation.
Speaking of Stanford, we've gotten just a little further in completing my application. Besides possibly adjusting my graduation date and "Activities" page on the app, I only have to get my teacher recommendations and finish my essay. It appears I'll be using three teacher recommendations: one from my mentor, one from my English teacher, and one from my Physics professor. I hadn't thought about asking one of my college professors for a recommendation, since they've known me for even less time than the normal teachers, but the English teacher said I could try asking for one. He actually was like "Sure!" and wrote up a rough draft sort of thing for me to say if I like it. Though it's not the most detailed thing in the world, seeing as he's only known me a little over a month, it'll hopefully impress them that a college professor thought I was worth writing a recommendation for!
As for the essay... I have some ideas, but nothing is completely clicking as being the idea. Like, I've thought to talk about us moving, Mom and I living by ourselves for a while, and maybe just talking about when I told the counselor I wanted to go to Stanford. I feel like there's something there with these three topics, but I need to figure out what to do with them for a good essay. I tried just free-writing these on Friday for quite a while, but I feel like it didn't help much. Grr.
Free-writing, y u fail me?
So that was one of the other things I was doing on the weekend, and I also managed to get myself to do some of my physics homework last night and study a little my KF manual (seeing as I actually need to in order to get my next belt).
We had our first dress rehearsal this week for the dances we will perform soon. It appears that, since the only leather boots I own are the Batman ones from a few months ago, I will now be putting those to use. I hadn't put them on until when we practiced the dance this time around. They definitely needed to be broken in.
I'll have more of a chance to break them I tommorow, though, because I plan to wear them to school because I plan to dress as close to Ed as I can because IT'S FMA DAY TOMORROW!!! *confetti falls from the sky and one of the anime opening songs plays*
I had forgotten about the first time October 3rd rolled around until it was too late, and last year it landed on the same day as the Saturday Session of General Conference. (That definitely is part of why I remembered it this year too, plus having a calendar event ordering me to not forget 10.03.11!) But now, I have the opportunity to celebrate it at school! And do so with my friend who had been reading my FMA book set! She just barely finished the series last week, so she's all caught up and is an official fan, and we can party together! *kyah!!!*
SO~ I have plans to show my FMA pride off as much as possible. That means beating even the outfit I wore on the first day of school this year. I had worn my FMA shirt with red snake-skin-textured jeans and black everywhere else. This time, I will wear the shirt again, but this time with black jeans and the black boots, and I'm hoping to wear a red jacket, possibly taping a Flamel onto the back. (I have to check if my sister has a jacket suitable to the task, since I know I have no red jackets.) I will wear my pocket watch- of course- and wear my new bracelet with black, gray, gold, and white. I am considering painting with makeup a Flamel onto my arm or neck or something, if it would look okay. (I'd consider painting on Al's bloodseal, but I feel a little paranoid about fiction becoming reality in that case... Stupid, I know. And I guess maybe I could consider doing the Homunculus symbol of a dragon eating its own tail, but it makes less sense, since I'm supposedly trying to emulate Ed.) To top it all off, I will try to style my hair to be as close to his hairstyle as possible. I'm thinking it'll look a little weird to have a French braid (my hair's not long enough for a normal braid) with little pieces out in the front, considering I don't actually have bangs, but maybe I can figure out how to make them look close enough to bangs to pull it off.
I'm desperately hoping that someone will recognize the stuff I'm wearing and appreciate my efforts, whether they know me or not. I haven't found any big FMA fans besides the friend borrowing my books (so proud of her, by the way), so it's a bit hopeless, but I wanna know where the other fans are at, you know? And make this whole dressing-up-for-Oct.-3rd to be worth it! But, well, in the end, it's to make me happy, even if other people are wondering what the heck is up with my outfit.
I'd kept putting off posting the flash fiction piece I'd mentioned in early September, since I was being a worry-wart about it not being good enough to post, but I finally got myself to do it late last Friday. If you look below the "About Me" section, you'll also find a short list of tags (though they're called "labels" in Blogger, apparently). I'd been wanting to make a list to access easily my songs and stuff for years, and finally found how to do it and, well, did it. I realized right then that I've barely posted anything by itself besides songs, so it would've been stupid to put a tag for "Short Stories" when I only have two. (That's what I think, anyway.) So, for now, those are in "Other Stuff", clumped in with my Spanish talk until I do a more careful search in all my past posts for any works I missed before and have posted more short stories in the future.
Ooh! Maybe I can make a goal to have that finished right around when I post my 200th post- that's right, we're almost to 200 posts!!!- so it's like "Yeah! New chapter in life! More organization! Celebration!" and all that jazz.
Well, I hope you like the story, and hopefully I post many more in the future!
Pretty much all that's left is to talk about what actually happened during General Conference. I noticed that, this time around, there was a lot of talk about repentance and that both faith and works are required to gain salvation. That second one seemed particularly interesting to me, since something happened during the very first session.
Okay, so I have tried to get myself to invite at least one or two friends to watch General Conference for the past few years. None of them have accepted, as far as I know, but I still want to extend the invitation. This time, I realized a little into the first session that I hadn't done that yet! I contemplated who to ask, and ultimately decided to quickly invite Scaehime and Lizzie through Hangouts. I didn't receive a reply until near the end of the session, but a discussion soon came out of that. Scae first said that she was too busy- pretty much all my friends say that- but then she paused when she realized I'd sent a link to lds.org, and was like "LDS as in Latter-Day Saints?" Right then, I had a feeling she was going to outright decline to look at GC because no one likes Mormons.
Instead, she said that she had once discussed the differences between her religion (unsure of specific denomination, but it's Christian) and mine, and had learned that we believed in both faith and action being required to gain salvation, while she believed in only faith being needed. So our discussion was just around that one basic doctrine. Nothing rude was said by either party, but it still felt tense, somehow. Even through just an IM chat.
At first, I could only think, "Really? Out of all the doctrines you are bothered about, it's only this? Not the modern prophets and revelation thing? Not Joseph Smith? Not even our past with polygamy?" I mean, that's what people usually think upon hearing the mention of Mormonism. It was amusing, in that aspect, since it almost felt like she was focusing on the wrong topic.
As the leaders continued to emphasize that part of our doctrine, though, the more I realized how important it is. It's one of the basic beliefs that is the foundation for many other principles taught in church. They've always stressed the fact that we actually have a lot more work to do beyond believing we'll be saved- we have to earn it. And we have to use the Atonement to repent for the times that we mess up because "no unclean thing can enter the kingdom of God" (that's how the scripture goes, right?). The same happened with the second Article of Faith- "We believe that man will be punished for his own sins, and not for Adam's transgression"- and the "Family Proclamation" stating marriage is only between a man and a woman. When I was first taught these things in Primary, I was like "Well, duh! Why would we pay for what Adam did? What other kind of marriage is there?" I hadn't understood why they told us these things, until just a few years ago I learned about the belief in the Original Sin and the LGBT+ community and allies pushing for same-sex marriage.
We were told over and over these things because there were many people outside the church who believed in the contrary. And now I'm realizing this yet again. (I remember hearing my World History teacher telling us about the differences between the Catholic and Protestant churches, since we had to learn about the Protestants separating from the Catholic Church to worship the way they wanted to in America. Actually near-debating over this very subject with someone, though, is making it more real that yes, people really learn this in their own churches.)
I'm now just wondering how that belief came about, anyway. I know Martin Luther had a part, but where did he come about the idea? Did he actually find a Bible verse that he used to "prove" this? Twisting it up into his own "interpretation" to make people believe it is true? I mean, I am not as familiar with the Bible as many other people, so I'm honestly wondering if that is the case. There's no way to ask Scae about this, though, without greatly offending her. She's gonna think I want to fight and argue over religion, which I don't want todo. I just want to know why she believes in that.
I may put together a summary of what was said throughout GC this weekend and put it into the next post. Until then, wish me luck on my FMA Day celebration, group project in Physics starting tomorrow (first college-level group project! So scared!), and college stuff! K bai!
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