NOT FUN + Surprises!

Hello world!

I skipped a week because, frankly, I was feeling very poopy. School starting brought about a lot of stress.

I believe I said before that there was a Teaching class offered at my school? I took it, and turned out it wasn't what I was hoping for. It was being taught by tag-team teachers (hehehe); one of them I didn't know yet, and the other I had at the end of last year for Cooking, in which we did nothing that I liked. At all.

I stayed for the week because I thought "Eh, it will probably be different from Cooking. I mean, it was the end of the year then, so of course we don't do much. Plus, this is an entirely different class! Maybe I'll have fun and learn a lot!"

We did stupid stuff for about a week until it crashed and burned.

We weren't even two weeks in the school year and she already assigned a big project. Not was it only big (and I mean big), but it was kinda stupid and she only gave us a week to do it.

It does not help that I was assigned a PowerPoint project in English just 10 minutes beforehand.

Let's not forget that I suddenly got all sneezy and groggy on the same day. Thanks, family, for spreading germs! *killkillkillkill*

Then came the next day, in which we performed a Tahitian dance at the ward talent show. Both my sister and I felt exhausted afterwards.

Thus, on Sunday, I felt tired, super stressed, and overall poopy. So bad that I spilled my guts out all over my e-mail to Niisan and started crying.

On Monday, I was just fine during school, maybe just a little worried, but after school, when I started doing my homework, I totally freaked, since I sincerely felt like I wasn't going to get either project done in time, and they were worth lots of points.

It might seem kinda lame to some people that I'm freaking out with just two school projects and a small cold. In fact, it made me feel even worse because I looked at the whole situation like I was pathetic. Here's the thing: I am not used to stress. I believe I have mentioned my mom once telling me that I usually just ignore the stress, so therefore it doesn't affect me as much. But when it comes to school projects, I get super worried about not finishing in time and not doing it right and ruining my grade and everyone else's grade (if it's a group project). That worry that only happens with one was doubled. No, TRIPLED, because the other one just seemed impossible. (She DID NOT EXPLAIN and she is NOT A GOOD TEACHER and she does not realize that WE DON'T HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO DO ALL OF THESE STUPID THINGS FOR HER.) Not feeling good physically probably made my mental condition deteriorate a little too. So what does such a stressful situation lead to?

Crying myself to sleep that night.

I am not joking.

That is when my mom said that it had to stop. So she went to the school to get my schedule changed. (After all, Teaching was just an elective.) She told me that she told the counselor exactly why I needed the change and what kind of class it should be replaced with. I received the new schedule with Career Prep instead of Teaching the same day.

While I'm sad that I no longer have a class with some new friends (the only good thing about the Teaching class), I know this was the best choice- get out while I still can. I'm pretty sure that if I had stayed in the class, I would've eventually become clinically depressed or something. I can't handle being under a teacher like that. (The stupidest part of all of this is that she was teaching a Teaching class when she TOTALLY SUCKED at it. She used to have a different job. I seriously wish she still had that one.)

Welp, I had once thought that I didn't have trials. I just went through one that seriously affected me. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? (Well, that only applies to some things. For example, breaking bones is not one of them.) Plus, now I can be more empathetic with characters from books. While I may not have suddenly been informed that I am supposed to save the world, I certainly know how it feels to think that I am not capable of doing everything I'm told to do. And crying to sleep.

Now, onto better news~

Just a few days after the new school year started, I started talking with a guy in my PE class. (Last year, I got to talk to him a bit during Study Hall.) He is a very stereotypical gay. And he is awesome and hilarious. I don't know what to call him online, but if we gain a stronger friendship, I'll come up with something.

Anyway, I don't remember how it got brought up, but I mentioned missionaries, which led to him asking what religion I am. I said I'm Mormon. He blinked before saying "That is so cool!"

With confusion evident in my face and voice, he explained that all other Mormons he had ever seen/met were extremely judgmental against him, but look, here I am! I already considered myself friends with him, so obviously I'm not anti-homosexuals. (I understand that they can be great as people, despite having that distinction.) Unlike some of the population, I'm not going to shun or avoid anyone.

With that out of the way, I tried my best to discuss a few things with him, as we were kinda figuring out the differences between Mormons and Baptists (since that is the church he goes to). It was really hard for me since I've never really done the whole missionary thing. Ever. I probably should've done better, but still tried, and that's what counts. He sounded interested, mainly because he told me of some of the stuff his parents and people from church did because he liked other guys, and there was some pretty horrible things done. If he were to join another church, it would be more of escaping the situation he's in now than believing in our gospel more. Still, that would be a great thing, and if he ever decided to talk with actual missionaries and go to church and stuff, I sure hope he will be welcomed and he can be happier.

Until then, I'm still gonna be his friend, and I'll see if sometime he decides to ask me about the church again.

I searched through most of my old posts, and it seems I never mentioned this weird dream I had months ago! It reminded me a little of the Jeff the Killer dream I had a while before that, since I was being killed and all... I don't really want to go into details now, but the point is this: Due to me being kinda depressed last week, plus having to read 13 Reasons Why for school last weekend, PLUS suddenly wanting to listen to "Mad World" by Adam Lambert (it's a cover, but I wouldn't listen to the song any other way", I suddenly decided that I would write a story based off of that. (HA! Following in Brorange's footsteps! ...You'd have to look pretty far back to find what the heck I'm referencing.) I had no interest whatsoever in making something out of that dream until this. Why?

1. In 13 Reasons Why, Hannah, one of the main characters, tells her whole story. In my dream, I told a story by video.

2. In the song, there is a part that says "I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad, the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had." I don't know if it's weird or not, but I actually kinda enjoyed the dream. Not because I like knowing I die in it, but maybe the WAY I died?... If it was a family member dying, I would not enjoy it at all. I consider THOSE nightmares.

That just kinda inspired me into possibly creating something. Since it's suspense and stuff, I'm wondering how well I'll do it.

Thinking about this new story also made me realize something- even before I wrote fanfics, I wrote fanfics.

Confused you?

That's cuz I realized that all of my stories before finding FFN were based off of stories that ALREADY EXISTED. I once wrote a few pages about a Rodeo Cinderella. (I don't even get why I wanted to since rodeos are obviously not something I'm acquainted with.) I once wrote something for Frog and Toad. When I had to write something for Christmas in 6th grade, I did it from the perspective of one of Santa's elves. If sometime other than those I wrote a story about a girl, she was probably based off of me or my sister. Mausu Mumei is basically the only real original character I have, and even then, I had been thinking about Beast Boy from Teen Titans. (She isn't like him in personality, but in power.) Do you realize that this is a revelation for me?!

While realizing I've basically always been a fanfiction writer makes me accept it as a part of me more, it also makes me more determined to write something original. Totally original plot, totally original characters, the whole deal. I feel the plot is original enough, since I can't think of anything it could have been inspired by when I first dreamed about it, but I need to fix the characters. At the moment, they are based off of me and my family. I can't stop myself from putting similarities between the characters and my family, but I will work on making them still two different families. May take a lot of effort. (The person that was originally me is named Kara Leemin. (Originally Leemon, but someone named Kara Leemon already exists.) I hope I can somehow make her not be TOO much like me. *sweat drop*)