Happy Mother's Day! (yesterday...)

Hello world!

I used to be able to tell my mom anything. But I've noticed that it's becoming harder. I haven't had a serious talk with her in forever. I don't like being serious, but there have been things I want to say to her. She doesn't know what kind of games I've played, books I've read, shows I've watched... and a lot has happened from that stuff.

The biggest stuff was last year. That was the first time I had actually heard the F-bomb (for reals! I had never heard the actual swear word until I was 12!), along with some other not-so-nice words, and I learned about adultery. Frankly, since then, I've felt like I've been corrupted. The feeling just gets worse; it feels like since I learned about these things, I see it a lot more often. But I know I had to know, and I should be happy that I didn't know when I was younger.

Back to the main point. It's getting really hard to say something serious to my mom, because I generally feel pretty uncomfortable in situations like those, and I really don't know when is the right time. I don't know if I should wait for when we are both alone in the house, or at night, or what.

I have a little story that goes with this:

Last year, in June, we were packing up to move. We were all in a hurry and stressed out, but my sister and I really didn't want to do all that my mom and dad were doing. My mom got even more stressed out because we didn't do much. Seeing her so mad made it really hard to say something, so I ended up writing a letter to her, the night before we were supposed to go.

I poured my heart (and other organs) onto that piece of paper. I just wrote without stopping, not thinking about whether she would actually understand everything I was saying. When I finished, I read everything I wrote, folded it up, and gave it to her.

In the morning, I asked her if she read it, and she said yes. I remember her looking a little bit calmer, which I totally understand. (Once the day is finally there, there is no use stressing out quite as much. What's done is done.) I think I apologized for how I acted, and she forgave me, saying that she really wanted to do the same. It felt really good to be okay with my mom again.

I don't know if I should try the letter thing again. It just seems now I can only do stuff like this indirectly. And that's actually what I've wanted to talk to her about...